Frank is an 87-year-old WWII veteran who lives on the farm where I’m currently interning. A couple of years ago he got double pneumonia and would terrorize the nurses by sneaking out of his hospital room in order to smoke his pipe outside. He’s pretty hard-core.
We were talking at dinner one time and he mentioned that he thought every guy should be ready to be completely independent at age seventeen. That, after all, is when he left home to go work the logging camps in the Northwest.
Much like I’ve noted before, Frank’s beliefs on the age of maturity and self-sufficiency are a throwback to a different view about adolescence. Our culture is collectively not trying to grow older.
This phenomenon, called extended adolescence or “Adultolescence” is gaining traction in sociological circles as a societal occurrence.
Peter Pan is a great story. But trying to live a life as a Lost Boy without growing old and growing up is like taking a contented look around one’s kitchen cabinets and never making anything of those ingredients.
Here’s the bottom line: We need to be prepared to grow up.
There is such significance in the fact that we will never be here again. In this one life we have to live, I can’t help but feel that it’s important to experience as much of it as you can. This is true whether you think you only go around once or if you think there is something after, the here and now ought to take a large portion of our attention.
Put another way, I remember when I didn’t think I liked pizza, pickles, or any number of foods. I had to be forced into trying what became my favorite extra-curricular activity. You never know the quality of your future. Fear of the unknown is unfortunately compelling, but ought not to be the thing preventing the full enjoyment of life.
Last year I talked with several students who were sad because the pie-chart of their life was a quarter filled. School is one half over and life is one quarter gone. How backward. Taking joy in the time you have does not mean trying to extend your youth. A full life means going through all the steps and stages. A long life with the mentality of adolescence is failing to recognize the entirety of human experience.
In sum, taking the steps to become a responsible, independent, and fulfilled adult are in fact quite difficult. You can very easily put it off. But it seems that the most rewarding pursuits are also the most difficult.
I have several thoughts in response to this:
1. It makes me realize that life is easier now. The difference between when Frank was a young man and where young adults are today is immense. We take for granted the amount of ease technology has provided us and we’ve truly become lazy. Lazy in communicating (snail mail and real writing -> e-mails and acronyms), simple tasks (hand-washing dishes -> throwing them in the dishwasher) and lazy in jobs (hard-labor -> office jobs). Now… I don’t think these changes are all bad. I love e-mail, I love the dishwasher(!), and office jobs are tasking, too. Times have changed… so it makes me question what it really means to grow up now. Which brings me to my next thought.
2. What does it mean to grow up? Does it mean to move out of the parent’s house and be financially independent? Does it mean to become fully responsible and focused in work and/or family? Does it mean to have a family extended from the original immediate family? Is it about maturity? I feel like financial independence is a huge step in “growing up,” but one can be financially independent without fulfilling any of these other “grown up” qualities. One can be very mature, but still rely on parents. As we grow do we need to let go of fun and adventure?
…I think I often fear the idea of “growing up” because I don’t want to stop laughing and having fun in life. For some reason these ideas are connected. Is that because society sells it as such?
3. In certain positions in life it is important to maintain a youthful mind in order to relate to younger individuals. I immediately think of youth pastors and people involved in ministry with anyone younger. Sometimes these individuals or couples seem to be immature and at times even obnoxious… but they have adopted the lifestyle to fit their mission. Are they missing out on growing up?
…hmm… “We wanna be like Peter Pan, we don’t wanna grow up!” I just think I’m going to live forever. Eighty-seven is the first age I consider old.